My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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