im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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