Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
