new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
