He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize