I puked a lego.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mom said you looked used
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
