So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
