i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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