Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
