plz talk dirty to me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
