I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
