i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
