Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
