I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
