i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
