I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
