We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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