this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize