You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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