dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
