that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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