Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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