About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
