Just fell off a train. Bad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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