its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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