barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
