it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
