Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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