Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
