You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
