WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
