My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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