Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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