There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
