My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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