I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
