I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
