Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
