I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
