i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
