I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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