No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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