i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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