My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
