He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
