remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
