he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?