two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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