Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.