ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness