I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want nice things and good sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
