three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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