i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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