so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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