if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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