her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So vagazzling was a success
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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