When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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