dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
