I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
