Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
the raccoons are back...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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