I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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