If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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