So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So much rum. So many feels.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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