I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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