if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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