Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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