i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
