Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
