I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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