So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
