I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
