I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this boner is exhausting
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
