I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
