i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
