jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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