hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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